Watching grass grow and the art of conversation

I just half-listened to an almost unbearable edition of "This American Life" in which a mother suggested that there are 7 topics you should never discuss, not because they are taboo but because they are boring and nobody cares. They are: Your health, the route you took to get somewhere, how you slept last night, what you dreamed about, your period, any diet and/or food allergies, and money. After enduring the hour long show in which they try to prove her wrong with stories on each topic, I am converted - Let us never speak of such things again. Minor aliments, slight mishaps, and first world complaints are only fractionally interesting to those who love/endure you. It's the old world version of 'Don't text when you're drunk' and 'Don't Instagram your dinner or Facebook your dog/cat". I am so deeply convicted about this that despite the fact that each of these 7 topics have featured largely in my first week in Norway I will refrain from discussing such things.

Lets talk about grass growing instead. 

OK you go first. No?

OK I'll go first.

But my story isn't completely about grass, it's more about moss and more specifically how to paint with moss and then let it grow, so I'm fairly sure this is outside the perimeters of boring topics of conversation and you my dear reader will be riveted. It started about 10 years ago when I tried to grow mould patterns on a sheet of paper using yogurt. It was unsuccessful and most likely too far ahead of its time ideologically and the technology just wasn't there to support it. Now, however, there are recipes on both gardening and graffiti websites for growing your own moss. I'm still interested in growing mould but we will get to that later, for now I need to understand practice and dominate the process of making and growing moss paint.

DAY ONE

Collect moss

Sort nice green bits from soil  

Chop moss finely 

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  Add yogurt, sugar and beer  

Add yogurt, sugar and beer 

  Mix  

Mix 

  Test on porous surfaces  

Test on porous surfaces 

P.S The bit where it says 'mix' on most websites it says 'blend' but I had to go the cheap route and chop by hand cause I didn't want to spend $40 on a blender. Think I just broke a boring rule and I think I'm going to need that blender.