Elsewhere. Everywhere. Anywhere but Here.
30 November 2017
Dear Valued Customer (insert name s763)
CONGRATULATIONS! We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected for an opportunity to purchase exclusive artworks created during internationally recognized artist Hannah Bertram’s unofficial artist-in-residency at The Unnamed Call Centre.
This return to casual call centre work had been keenly awaited and The Unnamed Call Center is proud to announce that we secured Bertram’s services for a 4-month residency in which her primary focus was to spend up to 5 hours a day calling scientifically selected strangers who had better things to do than talk to her.
In addition, inspired by our company mission statement Feeling liberated and successful? We’ll see to that, during every call centre shift Bertram created a single drawing on a sheet of suitably bureaucratic paper sourced from her own extensive archive of administrative paper work.
By employing the same advanced algorithms used to generate the telephone numbers in our state of the art facility we are thrilled to inform (insert name s763) has been randomly selected for a chance to purchase one of these exquisite works. As a valued customer we have negotiated this special once in a lifetime offer:
· A high-end collectable artwork that will be exclusively available for you.
· Your special price is based on our hourly casual rate of $25.00ph. This means a drawing created in a 4 hour shift will be available to you for the low single shift price of just $100.00 plus postage.*
Images of artworks available are located here
Specially selected clients will receive the following:
· An insignificant drawing.
· An attractive but meaningless certificate of authenticity
· Delivery to your door in an official windowed envelope.
To accept your eligibility and be in the draw for this first-rate opportunity, just register your interest at www.hannahbertram.com/contact. Please insert the subject heading “Tedium Reconciled: Elsewhere. Everywhere. Anywhere but here”, and include your phone number, postcode and don’t forget to answer to the following questions:
1. What is the worst job you’ve had?
2. What is the best place you have been? ***
3. Why do you deserve to be selected for this opportunity to purchase?
You will then receive a personalised email from one of our trained customer service representatives confirming your eligibility, username and password for purchase.
Once again we congratulate you on your successfully eligibility. We are confident that this has put a smile in your voice as much as it has ours.
Time Wasting Bureaucracy Team.
Tedium Reconciled in Collaboration with Unnamed Call Center
* Shift price includes an additional 7% on top of minimum wage for employees with excessive qualifications. Unqualified workers can receive less. Check local guides.
**Limited time only.
*** Applications will be scrutinized on quality. Submission does not confirm your eligibility.